marriage, modesty, Uncategorized

A man’s heart plans his way

“Teach me to do Your Will,  for You are my God.  Your Spirit is good.  Lead me in the land of uprightness.”

– Psalms 143:10 (NKJV)

“Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

– Philippians 1:6 (NKJV)

 

So I know it has been a really long time since I have written.  In some ways a lot has changed and in others not so much.  In my last post I had written about starting my modesty journey and switching to wearing dresses all the time.  At first this went great and I had no problem making the switch.  I felt good about myself and honestly thought that I looked pretty good.  I felt like things were going well and I really feel like I have been getting closer to God.

In anything that we do in life its a journey right?  I mean that is why I have titled this blog “journey of hope.”  Well sometimes journeys take a little longer than expected.

You see I need to start off by saying that I am NOT a perfect Christian.  If that were the case then I would not need Christ to begin with.  However, I know that I am not on the same spiritual level as my husband.  I do not mean to judge him or whatever relationship he has with God Almighty.  To be perfectly honest, I do not know if my husband is saved.  Yet again, I do not mean to judge him but his actions and words are what leads me to believe this.  Now to clarify, Ethan has not changed since I met him.  The problem is… I have!

You see when he and I first got together I was definitely a “Sunday morning Christian.”  I was most definitely saved but I listened to what my “heart told me to do.” I did and said things that I am not proud of and would later ask for God’s forgiveness.  I know that we should always ask for forgiveness when we do something wrong but we should also make an effort to change those bad habits and actions.  Now please know that I was not a drug addict (I have never even touched illegal drugs) or alcoholic, but I did things that morally I knew I should not.  So when Ethan and I got together I really only focused on things like:

  • he will go to church with me
  • he was a virgin
  • he did not cheat
  • he did not do drugs

I figured as long as he would at least go to church with me then it would be okay.  I am ashamed to say that I did not put much effort or concern into his personal relationship with the Lord.  Now after several years of being married and getting comfortable with one another…

I am uncomfortable!

Since I have began to grow spiritually I cannot ignore the differences between mine and Ethan’s spiritual inconsistencies.  I do not regret marrying him because I love him with my whole heart.  I think that God meant him for me.  I hope that through what God is doing in my life, then it will help Ethan with his relationship with God and ultimately begin a relationship with Christ (if he does not have one.)

So why do I bring up all this when talking about how I dress?  Well, as much as I think that we should instantly obey God when He calls us, I also think that God wants me to cool it a little on the dress thing.  You see, at first I thought Ethan liked the idea of me wearing dresses/skirts all the time, but that sort of changed.  I think I scared him a little into thinking that when you are a Christian you have to give up everything!  I have come to realize that I need to take things slowly with him!  This time instead of just diving head first, I want to truly seek God’s Will and follow His plan – not just do something for the sake of doing it.

I still plan on dressing modestly, feminine, and wearing dresses/skirts mainly, but I also know that I should focus on loving Ethan more diligently.  I need to honor him, not be so judgemental, and not so pushy!  Sometimes I feel like I rush into things without truly considering how Ethan feels about it.  Now I know that God expects us to put Him before anyone else and that is what I am trying to do.  I will not violate standards that I have set for myself just to please my husband.  Instead I want to focus on leading him to the Lord.  I believe when that happens (and I truly think it will) then Ethan will not only approve but encourage my wearing of dresses and skirts.

I know above all else that I need to pray.  Pray for God’s Will to be done, pray for Him to let me see Ethan through his eyes, and pray for God to soften my heart towards my husband when honestly sometimes I just want to give up.

So this is where I am.  I am not perfect.  I change my mind sometimes.  I fail sometimes.

I am also a child of God and He can and Will see me through anything.

Love,

Jennifer

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”

– Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)

 

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modesty, Uncategorized

A little compliment goes a long way

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord; she shall be praised.”

– Proverbs 31:30 KJV

I should start off by saying I am a working mom.  Its is not fun to be away from my child or my home but I do the best I can.  I have been, however, able to work my schedule so that I have 3 days off every week and still have 40 hours (those other 4 days can be very long.)  I am usually off every Monday and about three weeks ago I decided it would be nice to surprise Ethan (my hubby) with a mocha frappe from Mcdonalds (it is like his favorite thing in the whole world lol!) I decided that I would try to make myself look pretty also.  I decided to put on some makeup, fix my hair in a simple yet nice updo, and then it came time to pick the outfit out.

Now I know it may sound strange to go to such great lengths just to bring my husband a drink, but we have been together for 11 years (7 married) and it doesn’t hurt to spice things up a bit.

I began to grab for that favorite pair of jeans when something just told me to look up.  At the very top shelf of my closet sat a bag that has been there for over a year.  In this bag, rested a nice below-the-knee length skirt that I had bought shortly after having Finley.  I bought this skirt with the intention to wear after I had lost the baby weight.  Well it has taken a little longer than expected to accomplish that and so the bag with the skirt went to the top of the closet and was basically fogotten about.  Well I am about ten pounds over my pre-baby weight and so I thought I would just see if it fit anyway. It did.  I carefully examined the rest of my closet to see if I could find a shirt that would match.  Once I finally got dressed I headed off to my destination.

Once I arrived at Ethan’s job, he told me something that has changed everything for me…”you look really nice.” Those four words struck a cord with me.  Now I don’t want to give the impression that my husband never compliments me because that is not the case.  What struck me was the way he said it and the look on his face as he did.  This was not the first time I had ever dressed up or wore a dress/skirt in general; but it was the first time that I truly felt nice-looking.

After I went home I began to examine the feelings that I was having.  Was it the skirt? Was it the makeup? What was making me feel so good about myself?  It finally clicked for me that it was the fact that I had impressed my husband!  After 11 years together,  I still could make him notice me.  I was not dressed ultra fancy or provocative.  I didn’t need to be.

It was then that I truly began to wonder what really mattered when it came to beauty.  I realized I needed to make some changes.  In my last post I had mentioned that I have come to learn about modesty.  I wanted to know what the Bible had to say about it, what God expected of me, and how I could please my husband.  I knew what I had to do.

I had made the decision that I was going to set a new standard for myself when it came to how I dressed.  I was going to wear modest clothing that honored God and my spouse. Like I have said before, I never considered myself an immodest dresser but when I started to look at what the Bible said, it just did not mix with what was in my closet.  I decided that I was no longer going to wear anything that came above my knees and nothing that showed cleavage.  I, at first, did still plan on wearing pants but I feel like God has even convicted me of that.  I do not think that it is wrong for a woman to wear pants, but the way I felt that day I wore the skirt, I wanted to feel like that all the time.  I also could not shake the verse:

Deuteronomy 22:5 KJV

“The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are an abomination unto the Lord thy God.”

 

Now I get that when this bible verse was written men and women really both wore “dresses.”  However, in this time we know that normally women wear dresses and men wear pants.  I felt as though God really wanted me to be modest and be feminine by wearing modest skirts/dresses all the time.  Now I will say that I still do wear pants to work because I work in horticulture.  I constantly have to bend over and I do not want anything showing that should not be.  Also the time has not come around to order new uniforms yet, but when they do I will be looking into what they have for skirts to see if it could be possible for me to wear them at work too.

Now before anyone may get to upset with this let me say this…I believe that the way a person dresses is matter between them and God.  Every woman in my family wears pants: Christian or not so I do not condemn those that do not choose to only wear dresses/skirts.  This was a personal choice for me.  Of course, Ethan liked me dressing more “girly” but he DID NOT encourage me to do this.  I knew this was a choice I had to make on my own.

Its has only been a few weeks…but I have never felt better about myself.