Well it has been a couple of weeks since I have written. Instead of talking directly about motherhood, this time I wanted to share another journey I have recently started.
For the past few weeks I have been on a search of what it means to be modest. I have never considered myself a scandalous dresser, but I have recently come to the realization that I have not been what the Lord would consider to be modest.
I know that the world will tell you that what the Bible says about how a person should dress is old and outdated. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the phrase “back in those days things were different but times have changed.” I have never liked that saying. For me it seemed like a way to just keep on in your sin because people in biblical days did not live in the same world that we live in now. Even though I disagreed with that statement I never thought about what it meant about how I was dressing.
Anyone that knows me well knows that I am a big fan of the Duggar family. Now if you do not like this family or disagree with their beliefs then that is okay, but that is not the point of this post. What stands out to me about this family is that, agree or not with them, you know what they believe in. I have watched them for years and I found myself being envious of the kind of ways they displayed their faith. The more and more I thought about it, the more I knew I needed to make a change.
As I have shared before, I have been saved since I was 14 years old. I was raised in a Christian home and so the Bible and living for Jesus was nothing new to me. However, I have over the past couple of years have started to feel uncomfortable with my personal relationship with Jesus. And by uncomfortable I mean that I was not happy that I felt more like a “Sunday morning Christian.” I would try so hard to live for Christ on Sunday. I would go to church, feel the Lord moving my heart, and then as soon as I walked out the door I was back to my old ways.
I was/am getting so tired of that kind of life. The minute something started to go wrong I would usually wind up saying (I have a hard time with holding my tongue) or doing something I should not. My husband, whom I feel like the Lord is still working on, even pointed it out one day. I got angry with him about something and I cursed at him. He then looked at me and said “oh look at you being so holy. You post bible verses on Facebook and now you are cursing me. ” Well if that wasn’t a smack in the face then I don’t know what is. Truthfully it was a well deserved and needed slap. He was right!
After that I still knew I needed a change. I had to learn to submit, which I will discuss on a later post, I had to learn to hold my tongue, and I had to start being accountable for the things I do and say.
That is really why I have started my modesty journey. I go back to the Duggar family. I have no doubt that they have their own faults and struggles, and having them played out on national television cannot be easy. But I could not help but look at them and want what they had. No, not the fame or money. But the open submission to God’s Will.
I will post some more about this journey as it has just really started but I appreciate any prayers and encouragement that you might all can give.