Blessed Are They That Have Not Seen

Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

John 20:29 KJV


When I finally decided to start living my life for what it was instead of what it could be, that is when it truly began. Ethan and I started to look for our first home to buy. This was a scary thought for both of us because we had no idea what we were doing. It was also a little of a painful process. Ethan wanted something with land, I wanted something cute and big enough to suit our needs. After a while we finally found the perfect home. Looking back on it, it is actually sort of funny on the house we settled on. We wound up right next door to the house that Ethan was living in when we were dating!

But I am getting ahead of myself…

A couple of weeks before we found the home we would eventually buy, I started noticing my body acting very strange. My breasts were sore, I was weepy, and I did not want my coffee (and for anyone that knows me personally will tell you that is shocking)! I did not want to get my hopes because I cannot begin to tell you how many negative pregnancy test I have taken. I thought to myself, “oh wait and see you will start your period in a few days.” And like clock work, that is exactly what happened (or so I thought). Two days later it completely just stopped.

I chalked it all up to my body is weird and PCOS is a bully. I let it go and the house searching continued.

Have you ever heard the saying “God will show you who’s God?” He definitely did that to me. Even though my cycle had stopped, I still did not feel right. Ethan and I went to look at the home we would eventually buy. The night we decided to put an offer in, I also decided to take a test. I remember thinking that this was dumb and a waste of time. I was going to look down and see the dreaded 1-line negative and not the much hoped for 2-line positive. Well lo and behold…

2 lines!!!

I could not believe it. I mean really I did not believe it! I went out the next morning and bought another test. Again another positive. I remember thinking and praying silently to God that if this is real, please somehow let me know. Then we got in the car and the song How great is our God! came on. I mean if that is not a direct answer then I do not know what is. I was pregnant. All this time of trying and trying – nothing! When I finally let go, God was able to take control. I believe that it was meant to be at this time. For the first time all of our family was in one place, we were buying a home, and Ethan and I were starting to become closer and closer.

Sometimes I think I wish that God would have just told me, “hey I am going to give you a baby, just hold your horses.” Even still I do not think that I would have believed it. It makes me feel like Thomas in the bible that would not believe that Jesus had been risen from the dead until he felt the scares in His hands.

Well to make a very long story short, I gave birth to a beautiful son. It was an easy pregnancy, scary delivery, and so far 16 months later – the greatest joy of my life. And so the real journey begins.


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